Monday, April 17, 2017

17 - 4 -'17          Run 1818        Miner's Tavern

1st run of new GM FOP's reign, & the start of the downfall "Lowering
The Bar". Around 23 attendees, & not bad for an Easter Monday Run,
with the notable absence of REAR ENTRY, given The Miner's is his
"office" & he's always at the joint. 
Brand new Choirmaster HEAD HUNTER called for reverence for the
GM to start the On After. 
FOP had welcomes back for BAG OF DICKS, Paul "Bearer" & 
PUSBUCKET ( & as he said "Wot after 1 week?"). Significant Runs to
GILF 234 & PLUCKA 131. HEAD HUNTER proceeded to trot out a 
heap of new chants that we're never gonna get to remember.
New Screw FASCINATOR has introduced technology, having to read
his freakin' long-winded dialogue (are we there yet ?) from his phone,
& after a fair slab of football references, gave the Run of FOP
HER VAGESTY a 6.7, to which HEAD HUNTER began her chant of
"Shitty Trail" etc, to the tune of Mickey Mouse.
Stand-in Sergeant HER VAG thought the sniffyc*nts of 1818 should
be about the 18 yr olds & said "not D&C who's 3+ X 18", & so, enter
Eleanor, with DR DEATH taking a drink for the Daughter.
PEBBLES had a drink for being "horny" for HER VAG on the run - 
Hash Horn, then DUMBER for the stolen gold bullion in his old
Webster St, with THE BILL & QUICK DICK the closest likeness 
to the thief.
Setting the Run, HER VAG met old Hash Runner ANDREW ANDREW
ANDREW, so nominated another old Hash Runner SS to take a drink.
CRUTCHLESS charged MOUNTIE, for MOUNTIE asking at Waubra
months ago, "who are you?" - turns out MOUNTIE had known 
her for 20+ years. 
THE BILL was charged for rear-ending MOUNTIE last week (who'd
have thought !), & to that, HEAD HUNTER finally got to reel off a
chant that we knew. Also last week, visitor DEMENTIA invited the
girls in the "take home car", back to the Motel, presumably for a 
"happy ending".
NORMAL charged Paul "Bearer" for their conversation on the walk,
when NORMAL asked "so what's been happening Paul?" & the reply,
"Oh, I went down last night, big dark hole that you could drive a 
truck thru' & it's pretty wet down there", of course, talking about
the Mine. That's when NUMMY continued to "lower the bar", 
chanting that farkin' "Oughta be publicly ......." Arghhhh!!
THE BILL & QUICK DICK saved HER VAG - "don't roll your ankle
on that acorn" (again), & "if you do, give us the keys, so that while
you're laid up, we can get to the drink-stop"
They called NORMAL a lazy prick for only laying 10 bricks on a 
big job, but he thought that was good management - & it got
him a drink.
D&C, NUM NUM MOUNTIE are off to Tassie (MOUNTIE's got 
a map, D&C not), so MOUNTIE awarded them drinks ahead
of time - reckon the rest of us should've had a drink 'cos they
won't be here.

Righto,  you've had a fair go ......

Next week, THE BILL's run from Munster's Arms, 
(old Black Rhino), Bakery Hill.


Tuesday, April 11, 2017

10 - 4 -'17                  Run 1817                AGM

GM NUM NUM assumed the position for the last time, & drinks to welcome 
visitors BIG CLIT, Y2K JELLY, SWALLOW & DEMENTIA, then welcomes
back to HER VAGESTY, EXIT, SQUIZZY, CANDIDA & ROAD RUNNER, but
forgot FANG, so he had to drink on his own.
Happy Birthday to 60 years 'young' DAZED & CONFUSED, & NORMAL had 
to step in to drink for her (we wondered if he has to step in for her in the 
bedroom as well !!). HEAD HUNTER was a bit 'out of it', as she had said 
bye for now to her Shielagh - as she said "Well she is my Mum".
The athletes & walkers took to the streets of the North, leaving 9 bar flys
to a stubby or 3, & hear the practise recital of Andy Pobjoy's keyboard
stand-in Kevin Mahoney, & very good too !! The next job - erect the 
Nash Hash signage. Schoolmarm CANDIDA quickly took over the
Supervisor Role, as apparently, SILIC & REAR ENTRY weren't up to
scratch, so she did the job herself. CRUTCHLESS was on crutches again,
wandering round, but only using them about every 4th or 5th step.
The On After, & NUMMY had installed the blow-up Limbo Bar, but of course
that meant "lowering the bar" - more on that later.
She trotted out the 1817 sniffyc*nts a little early, & that saw Ireland's
first Abstinence Society, so JITTERBUG was up for an Ireland drink &
DR DEATH for Abstinence, then Jane Austen's death brought to mind
her novels, 'Pride & Prejudice' and 'Sense & Sensibility', so 
DUMB & DUMBER was in there as well.
SS took the floor to screw the run, but they gave him a mic. - never let
a chance go by - & he launched into Danny Boy with obligatory vibrato,
& according to keyboardist Mahoney, all in the Key of D (that your 
key BENT?). A well stocked drink-stop topped off a good run & walk - 
thank you DUMB.
Sergeant ROWDY's last stand & had to recognise CRUTCHLESS in her 
ball gown, complete with fascinator & a pearl necklace in the cleavage -
that made him bar up !! MOUNTIE had a huge pearl necklace (the jewelry
type) trying to out-do CRUTCHLESS, and GILF & HEAD HUNTER were 
in there somewhere as well, all to be taken away by DIMENTIA.
GLIDER had PRECIOUS, as the youngest Hash Member, do a charge
in memory of ARSO, then NORMAL charged GLIDER for all the rain
over the weekend (??). SHAFTED spun a golf 'in-joke' that went flat
on it's arse - not like our usually zany SHAFFY.
FASCINATOR met BIG CLIT - thought it good 'cos he usually can't 
find it - DIMENTIA couldn't remember & maybe needed Y2K JELLY &
chances are, SILIC found a REAR ENTRY (can't read this bloody
scribble, but it's kinda like that !!).
FASCINATOR took a charge for the sad passing of John Clarke/Fred
Dag, then MOUNTIE charged SWALLOW because she couldn't spread
her legs. LOIS LANE had a celebration drink for daughter Phillipa's
marriage, then HALF A BAR had a f**kin' charge for f**kin' SILIC &
f**kin' REAR ENTRY for not f**kin' going outside because there was free
f**kin' beer inside !! THE BILL charged DUMBER for being the only one
to be run over by a boat going down the road, then BIG CLIT & 
Y2K JELLY were charged for making sure to follow MOUNTIE in 
her tights, all the way home. ROAD RUNNER made a check of the 
50 yr old Council Records & DUMBER is the only one to ever be hit by a 
speedboat on the road.
DONUTS was charged for his "spleen vent" about being sick of 
picking up at Tullamarine, only to take a phone call from the son
30 seconds later - "Can you pick me up Dad?". 
BIG CLIT charged SHAFTED for driving his car over the finely
manicured garden at the Bowls Club ( you've never seen him in
action at the Bot Gardens MR CLIT !!). FANG took the final charge
of NUMMY's 'Raise The Bar' Hash, as being the oldest (longest ?)
serving member of the original Ballarat Hash.
Old Committee out - (F**k off, you've had a fair go!!) & enter the
new GM FOP of the "Lower The Bar" Hash.

New Committee:

Grog Master  .  .  .  .  CRUTCHLESS   Hash Screw  .   FASCINATOR
Keeper of the Book  JITTERBUG       Choirmaster  .   HEAD HUNTER
Hash Cash  .  .  .  . .  HER VAGESTY  Sergeant  .  .  .   SPENCER HOCKING
Religious Advisor 
& Big Events  .  .  .  . MOUNTIE           Hash Horn  .  .  PEBBLES
Trail Master .  .  .  .  . NUM NUM          Blog Bastard .  Status Quo

New GM FOP has decided to "Lower The Bar", has aired the T Shirt,
then declared that he's a "Man of Action", but sick of cliche's - 
'build a wall', 'moooving fooorward' (ala Julia-r) etc. - so, we'll see &
good luck FOPPY.
We ate, drank & be'ed merry for the next couple of hours. Very nice 
roast, followed by small pav (I think, didn't have it) desserts and beer 
& red wine all round. Fair amount of 'darrrncing' to the excellent 
Mr Mahoney & the 1st exhibition for the year ahead of FOP's jocks - 
reckon there'll be somewhat more exposure down the track !!

Next week - Committee run from Miner's Tavern.

Monday, April 3, 2017

3 - 4 -'17             Run 1816            Awards Night

GM NUM NUM took the floor for the pen-ultimate, to welcome the 30 attendees, 
& happy that there's only 1 week to go. Welcome also to new runner Paul, 
& welcomes back from NZ to Shielagh, & to SPENCER HOCKING.
Happy Birthday to DAZED & CONFUSED on reaching '6' figures !!
On the short run, it was obvious that PLUCKA, with the short tu tu on, 
should've left the tights off !! MOUNTIE thought her outfit left the breasts a bit
flat, but I assured her that they looked good to me, & I think it was only the
Hash Horn that was a bit flat. We all reached the drink-stop at DUMBER's
beneath the Sheltered Workshop, where the Friday Gossip Club meet.
SHAFTED reckoned that "Debbie" was aptly named - made a lot of noise
coming, took the houses with her & left NSW very wet !!" A couple of 
refreshments at the well stocked drink-stop, then a short walk back 
to the one-time Gentleman's Club.
At the On-After, there were Welcome Drinks for Paul, Shielagh, SPENCER 
HOCKING, BAR LICKER & FOP.
SS screwed NUM & DUMB for the well marked short walk/run, the venue, 
the dress-ups & photos, but they missed SOS - did anyone ?? 
SPENCE charged SILIC for having no Hash Gear "but don't change, 
we don't want to see you out of it". 
Sergeant ROWDY's 1st charge for (the lay down misere) "who looks best
in tight shiny pants?", FOP or DAZED & CONFUSED.    NORMAL took the
drink for D & C.   Sniffyc*nts of 1816 ? - of course Doctor, the Leannec 
stethoscope invented, but also, don't forget the Maelzel Metronome.
DR DEATH made JITTERBUG wet & he dribbled - please explain.
CRUTCHLESS took 2 for being the "golden shower girl", & then writing 
her car (& everything else) off. NORMAL had a charge for "what's your
name?", QUICKDICK for having Shielagh back, after wanting a photo
of her going back to Dublin.
DUMBER was charged for returning to a venue where last time we 
lost someone, HEAVY. RIP. Then, all the dicks drank up, 'cos all dicks
drink together - QUICK DICK, MRS DICKHEAD & HALF A BAR, joined by
Paul, PLUCKA, THE BILL & SHAFTED. PLUCKA had 2 more - 1 for phoning
SPENCE (who was in NZ), "Where's the carpark?" & another for calling out
to HEAD HUNTER on the bush walk, "how do you get to the other side of
the river?" - "You're already there you idiot !!"
SPENCE charged HALF A BAR for f**king the BBQ Spit (the same as he
does the sheep), since it has worked perfectly for 36 years, & Tommy's 
borrowed it only once. 
NUMMY came back to relive some of the years' highlights - ROWDY's 
sniffyc*nts of the 1800's, SPENCER HOCKING's 'raising the bar' of 
Ballarat Hash towards Nash Hash, the significant runs of ROWDY &
MOUNTIE 1000, LOIS LANE's 800, MRS D & SHAFTED's 500, SOS 300
& PLUCKA 100, the sad passing of CRUNT & BIG BALLS, joining new
members JITTERBUG, HEAD HUNTER, QUICK DICK & CRUTCHLESS,
& the Ballarat 1800 run at Trentham.

AWARDS:

"Pot Calling The Kettle Black". Runners Up were HALF A BAR & SILIC,
but BENT NOSE took it out by a large bent nose, & DONUTS stepped 
up to have the drink.

"Tight Arsed Prick". Won uncontested by REAR ENTRY for running
out of grog at the drink-stop.

"Spectacle Award". Runner up HALF A BAR for his sprained ankle at
the cricket, but won by CHRIS CROS for being half naked in the women's
loo at Top Eureka, & FOP stepped up for the drink.

"Pisspot Award". Another 'lay down misere' - Winner PUSBUCKET.
Snag's idea of a balanced diet is "a stubby in each hand". In his 4th
acceptance speech in succession, he said, "he should just keep the 
trophy permanently", but then digressed, (do you believe that?), saying
he asked MOUNTIE what she wanted for her Birthday. The reply was
"a divorce" - "good, I wasn't going to spend too much".

"Shit-house Run". Runners Up were PEBBLES & SHAFTED, but taken
out by back to back winner FASCINATOR, who was actually there to take
the drink himself, & looking forward to the Hat-trick next year.

"Shit-hot Run". Runners Up were SHAFFY & ROWDY, & the winner is
............ the "Man among men & the fishes as well" SS who they thought,
accepted gracefully.

"ARSO's Club Member Award". SPENCER HOCKING - accepted on 
behalf of HEAVY, who said, "make Ballarat Hash important to
Nash Hash".

Thanks to Peter Carrigg & Helpers at the Old Colonists for great food
with the usual variety of meats, fish, veg & desserts.

Next week - AGM at North Ballarat Bowling Club.


Monday, March 27, 2017

23 - 3 -'17             Run 1815         Slatey Creek

ROWDY's run for 'passed' Hash-man MIDNIGHT, signalling the end of
daylight saving. About 15 runners & 1/2 doz. walkers took to the tracks
around Slatey, whilst 7 of us were left to tend to the "homefires". They
returned to On Home & drink-stop and a roaring camp-fire.
Welcomes back to INSATIABLE, FLUID MOVEMENT & Steve, then a 
salute to MIDNIGHT.
Screw SS praised ROWDY for "raising the bar tonight"... "look at the
environment of this spot". The drink-stop was well stocked, & the R.A.
has done a magnificent job with the weather.
Sergeant ROWDY's 1st charge was for SHAFTED & the warnings for 
oncoming cyclone 'Debbie', then in the same vein, one for REAR ENTRY
suffering the 'hell hath no fury like a woman scorned' routine.
1815 saw the 1st 'Swiss Cheese' Factory in Switzerland, Napoleon 
defeated at Waterloo ...... & please be inclusive!! ..... the year of 1230
on the Islamic calender.
FASCINATOR had a drink for 'being a dick', & BAD HEAD JOB for 
coming (was that cumming?) in his hijab. HALF A BAR for, after all 
these years at Hash, not knowing where the run was, & CRUTCHLESS
got lost in the gutter. Juri said "he had to go work", & that prompted 
NORMAL to charge him for 'School Teachers actually going to WORK'.
Juri had another one for 'old runners', then was presented with
his bag of 'old runners'. MOUNTIE stayed upright for the whole run, 
& JITTERBUG, one for her designer Italian boots.
GILF charged SS for the 'threesome in the riverbed', but SS thought
that a threesome was a bit too long ago to remember.
Charges also for HEAD HUNTER thinking that NORMAL was 
'such a Gentleman', but he only took his hat off because of the 
bottle opener in the brim. DUMB & DUMBER demanded a 'hearing'
as Throstle was severely hampered in his run.

Next week - Awards Night at the Old Colonist's Club.

PS. On the return journey, the 'author' wanted to turn left & take the 
road back toward Creswick, however the main (back seat) navigator
insisted on a right turn, that "this will take us back to 5 Ways" - 
sure, via South Bendigo !! After another 'traveller' & a few more K's 
of gravel road (no wonder THE BILL didn't go tonight), we sailed past
Adekite Camp, to eventually come out of the bush a couple of K's
north of the old Dean Pub !!  Mmmmmm ........

Monday, March 20, 2017

20 - 3 -'17                    Run 1814                 Lal Lal

SHAFTED's run at 219 Coal Mine Rd .... waiting .... waiting, then the Postie
arrives - no, it's the Hare at 7PM on the Postie's Bike. SHAFFY went on 
about the 'short run', but didn't mention that we'd need a torch !!
Everyone onto the 'Winnebago', with SILIC at the helm (needed some
persuasion from Co-pilot SHAFFY to stay on the centre of the road) & 
onwards towards Bungal. REAR ENTRY needed some persuasion also,
to "get off the fuckin' bus Greenie!!" with the walkers.
13 eager athletes took to the trail like 'seagulls onto a hot chip'. Trail was
obviously set 'at speed' on the Postie bike, with easily a bag of Limil
to each mark. SHAFTED thought PLUCKA looked pretty good in her 
red outfit, & probably even better out of it. He gave us a little bit of
Geology 101 as we passed the tailing heap. The run was largely bereft
of halts (unless they took off as this "author" arrived), but one was at 
the grave of 6 yr old Mary Patterson, who died of pneumonia.
Back at the circle, NUMMY had welcomes back for HER VAGESTY,
FOP, DONUTS, CRUTCHLESS, FASCINATOR & Gary (The Sweeper)
Foster, who looked after the tail-enders.
SS thought that screwing SHAFTED would be an 'interesting excercise' -
but what a run we had. Just happened to be 2-1/2 X 5 or 6, & we arrived
back in the dark of night.The walk was well set, but obviously set at speed,
as per the large markings & SHAFFY was covered in Limil. The terrain was 
terrific, & at one point MASTABAIT wanted to go yabbying. NORMAL
pointed out the kangaroo in the paddock, but it was only on the 
Aussie flag.
Sergeant ROWDY took to the floor & charged MOUNTIE for her
St Patrick's Day 'pisshead' voice, then HEAD HUNTER & Mum Sheilagh
as being the face of Ireland for Paddy's Day. 
Extremely sad to hear of SORRY's health woes - we're thinking of her.
TEFLON was next - got a charge for being stupid.
ROWDY's sniffyc*nts of 1814 was the London Beer Flood, where a 
large vat of Porter burst, demolished buildings & killed 9 people, but
I'm surprised he didn't mention the very 1st Cricket Match at Lord's on 
22nd June, annnnd, where were you 2, PUSBUCKET & FOP??
GLIDER relayed a charge from EXIT for SHAFTED, having the run in
La La Land, & SHAFFY took an extra one for LITTLE EVIL being
in La La Land for the last 20 years. HALF A BAR (the staunch CFA
Volunteer) who made the Campers move the BBQ into the centre of
the creek on a Total Fire Ban day a couple of years ago, promptly
burnt the sheep at last weekend's fundraiser bash.
NUMMY celebrated having another Gary (Foster), as well as the 
dog Gary. PLUCKA drank up for laying on the bus bed, with all the
blokes around, & QUICK DICK charged for asking Coach Captain
NORMAL to take a photo of Mother-in-Law Sheilagh on her way
to the Airport "to make sure she's gone!!"
DUMBER had a drink for mistaking the 'porcelain penguin' for a 
cat on the Wendouree Parade walk. NUMMY was laying in bed with
DUMB & DUMBER (the morning person), when there was a text from
MOUNTIE - "send DUMB - the batteries on my dildo are flat".

That'll do - you've had a fair go!!

Next week's run - ROWDY's "MIDNIGHT" Run at Slatey Creek.
                                               Don't forget that the bridge is out. 


Tuesday, March 14, 2017

13 - 3 -'17                Run 1813               Park Hotel

Committee Run - but where's the freakin' Committee? Stand-in's everywhere.
NUMMY took charge & welcomed Shielagh, then welcomes back for Eleanor
(DR DEATH's progeny) & PHUCKWIT PHIL.
15 Super Athletes & 5 or 6 Walkers took to the streets of the "not so fabulous"
west, leaving a couple of bar flys to breast the bar.
On the run, we saw where REAR ENTRY has started to dump some of his TV
garbage, at the gravel end of Longley St. NUMMY came across the back of the
Golf Driving Range, with what looked like a rolled up sock down the front of 
the camel-toe, finally to retrieve a couple of golf balls from "down below" - 
lucky they didn't slide away to get lost amongst the 'sweat of the run'.
Back at the On After, was a welcome charge to the Irish 'Shielagh', & a 
welcome back to 'Eleanor' - PHUCKWIT's vacated early.
HALF A BAR proved that he could actually count past 10.
Sniffyc*nts of 1813 - well, the first lot of wool from Aus. sent to UK -
thought it might have been Blaxland & Wentworth over the Blue Mountains, 
or Redmond Barry b June 7- eh ROWDY??
MOUNTIE went on & on with a Union rant about the 8 Hr Day - 
"Whadawewant Whendawee Wannit?"
Stand-in Screw THE BILL made it a joint one for NUM NUM & DUMB.
SHAFTED on the run chased pussy, or was that a dog?
R.A. PUSBUCKET came forth to interject, opening with "I digress...." 
(who knew?) charging DUMBER for his personalised running shoes at Hash.
Think the interjection might have had a fair bit of "how long have I been at
the Bar?" about it!! 
DUMBER explained that the 'HcH' markers on the run were to denote
'Henry Headen Cuthbert'. 
Stand-in Sergeant SHAFTED said it was "like sex, just hasn't done it 
for a while". NORMAL was in for a charge or 2 - being sacked from 
everywhere including the Bus Co, & DUMBER claiming so many ran
tonight because NORMAL was in charge of the walk. SS sent an absentee
charge to Shielagh, for being at the Trout Hatchery. HALF A BAR was
charged for killing the sheep, "But they were fucked" he said.
DR DEATH & DUMBER charged each other for dangerous driving & 
no indicators. MRS DICKHEAD was charged for losing bunny rabbit
'Nibbles', NUMMY for her golf balls on the run & PEBBLES for his 
mid-week text that was supposed to be a joke.

That's it - you've had a fair go!! 

Next weeks run - SHAFTED, 219 Coal Mine Rd., Lal Lal.

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

7 - 3 -'17                     Run 1812                  5 Ways

GILF's the Hare. NUMMY's regained her voice & ready to 'raise the bar' again.
Welcome to visitor DIGIT DIGESTER, with bandaged arm, then thanks to all
the Nash Hash Committee, as we sight the 'late' Hare disappearing along 
Codes Forrest Rd., to deposit the Drink-stop.
The athletes headed off along the roads & goat tracks of the fabulous
north "east", & collected with the walkers after a fairly easy run.
Back at the circle, the first official business was to collect the poppers & 
line up, Guard of Honour style, to officially pipe in ROWDY's 1100th Run
(didn't he get a charge for that already at STUBBY's Bar ??), LOIS LANE's
800th, & SOS' 300th.
Next came DIGIT's explanation of her Hash Name - attacked in London in  '94
by a mugger, who she bit the finger of, or was it right off ?
Welcomes back to HEAD HUNTER & QUICK DICK after swanning round
on holiday in New 'Zilland', then REAR ENTRY & SILIC (who missed them
anyway?) MRS DICKHEAD & MASTABAIT.
New chant - "How would you like my finger in your rear - no, no not likely"
to the tune of Hava Nagila - what key were you in BENT? While we're at it,
can we piss off that shocker "ought to be publicly pissed on" that most hate.
SS stepped up to screw GILF, & thought the run & walk were 'succinct',
(& that turned a few heads!!) & wonderful that we all arrived at the 
well stocked Drink-stop, then a very short On Home. TEFLON had a drink
to support the Hare.
Sergeant ROWDY's first charge was for Nash Hash "Volunteer turned Hero"
of last weekend REAR ENTRY, for saving a very grumpy woman on the very 
steep slope, quickly followed by DUMBER & DUMBER drinking up for
his getting the 'yank tank' stuck on the 5 Ways steep slope a few years ago.
Nash Hash Volunteers THE BILL, PLUCKA, MRS DICKHEAD & CHRIS CROS
were the next drinkers, then the Nash Hash Run Setters from Ballarat Hash.
Then came the inevitable sniffyc**ts of 1812, to which this "author(?)" was
 "severely chortled", but rose out of the ashes with, Tchaikovsky's 
Overture in Eb Major, Opus 49 also Charles Dickens born on Feb 7th. 
What else was there ROWDY? - quite a few I think, but missed in the notes.
GILF & NORMAL were next & made to sit on the ice. Tight-arsed prick
SILIC had been busy knocking the Nash Hash weekend, but quick to
line up for some cheap left-over cans of Nash Hash Splash, then SOS was
charged 'responsible' for Cops turning up each time we run from 5 Ways.
NUM NUM charged ROWDY for his wanting the incoming GM to be aware
that he didn't want a job this year, then PRECIOUS had his water charge for
being old enough for a root at the High School weekend, but still not old
enough to drink an alcohol charge. ROWDY charged Sniffyc*nt 
(aka HEAD HUNTER) & MRS D for the 'strings' hanging, after the
poppers parade. BENT NOSE charged TEFLON for his wrong directions,
then HEAD HUNTER drank up for having DUMBER weld up the bed, but
wouldn't say how it got broken. Uri & ROWDY - bit of banter about
charging for medical practise (dunno!!).

Next week - Committee run - Park Hotel.